Once upon a memory.

I couldn't fall asleep tonight so I pulled a box from the back of my closet and wandered down memory lane for a little bit...

I can't believe that I sometimes forget that when I was 15 I boarded an 11 hour flight to Paris with 12 of my best friends and that we performed in front of 8,000 people. I took a ballet class with an instructor of the Paris Opera Ballet in a school gymnasium in Austria. I hiked the Alps and visited castles. We performed for a school for handicapped children and they in turn hosted an Austrian "barbeque" for us. And my friends and I cried after that performance because it was the last time we would perform on that trip and we had had the time of our lives.

I should remember things more often.

What I want more than anything in the world right now, is to be able to feel and experience an emotion without being judged by those closest to me. But, since I can't be honest and open about it, I retreat. And am then judged even more. And I'm sorry. But if that's the only way to get through it, then leave me alone till I'm ready. Bye.

Project: BEAUTIFUL {2012}

I've had this idea for months...It's been kicking around in my brain and it's just gotten bigger and bigger. I could never stop thinking about it and it would keep me up at night. I finally decided that I needed to do something about it. I don't know what it's gonna end up as, but I have a beginning and I know where I want it to go. Every good thing starts somewhere. Starts small.

Here we go. =)

essays....

i've been working on this essay for a week and a half. i have 1 1/2 pages done. it is nowhere NEAR finished. this paper NEEDS to be turned in tomorrow, along with a second essay and a snazzy interactive web presentation thing.
this is too much.
i can't make my brain calm down and focus....i'm exhausted but my head is pounding and spinning and running a million different directions all at once.
i can't do this.
screw you, little engine that could. this little engine can't and probably won't. i really want to, but it seems physically impossible at this point.

thank you helping me procrastinate, blog.

me. blogging. SURPRISE!

ok so i'm blogging. not because i feel sentimental or because something monumental and life-changing happened to me. nope. none of the above. boys. the reason for this whole post is a boy.

i went on two AMAZING dates with a guy. two dates. they were probably two of my favorite dates of all time. the haunted forest (blind date) and a random, spontaneous trip to trafalga (plus hot chocolate). he was nice and charming and cute and funny and respectful AND he held my hand on the first date! scandalous, i know, but i found out later that i was the first girl he had EVER held hands with. EVER. i'm not going to tell you that that didn't make my day. because it did. he held my hand on our second (trafalga) date as well. BONUS: ALL of his friends work at second-date-trafalga. they saw us holding hands. and he wasn't embarrassed. i was kind of impressed. anyway....

two dates into our relationship (which was not really a relationship, but a girl can dream, right?) and he stops texting. i hadn't heard from him in a month. which doesn't seem that long, but our two dates happened within 2 1/2 weeks of each other, so....

i didn't want to text him first because...i don't know. that seemed weird. if he wanted to go out with me, he would text, right? but...i wanted to go out with him but i didn't text. ugh.

so i got on facebook today AND......

he's in a relationship with someone else.

darn you nice, attractive boy!!!

but at least now i know why he wasn't trying to get a hold of me...

*sigh* oh well. time to move on with my pathetic teenage girl life. =)

hi. again.

almost two whole months since my last post. the world will probably end now. sorry.

truth is, i've been really busy......procrastinating. school is good. except for the fact that i'm an exceptional procrastinator. i've been on a couple of dates with a boy that i think i might like. had some drama in my life (thank HEAVENS that's over). applied to the college of my choice. you know. the usual. =)

maybe i'll try to blog more often. maybe.

it could be part of my whole "lifestyle change" thing i have going on right now. i'm protesting myself. the "right now" me. protesting all the junk food. procrastination. neglect. i have had ice cream for dinner more often than not this week. i don't think i did a single assignment for school. and my hair has been nothing but ponytails for days.

nice one, watson.

yeah. we'll see how that goes.

weekends...

bad.bad.bad.blogger. sorry.

i live on the weekends. i don't (well, i try not to) do much with my friends during the week, because then the weekend is just that much better...you know?

so since i've been slacking, i thought i'd share last weekend's adventures before this weekend happens.

last friday night was our homecoming game. we dominated. i don't really remember the score, but it was something like 53 to 20something. i've been more into high school football this year than i ever have been. i kind of think that it's because i'm a senior...if i don't pretend to care about whether or not we win or have a good kicker or whatever, i'm gonna miss it.

grab high school by the balls! or...football helmet. or whatever.

anyway, after the game (and after my jumping on my best friend's back brought her crashing into the cement and throwing me into the grass {she ended up with bloody, gashed up knees. sorry sweetie}), we went to a party that my brother was at. it was a party for a sixteen year old boy and all his fifteen year old friends. they were watching a scary movie and none of the girls that they had invited showed up. so, naturally, seeing as my brother conveniently has a 17 year old sister who has an 18 year old best girl friend...he called and impromptu-invited us. =)
so we showed up and the movie they were watching was SO stupid. but i feigned being terrified and told the group of boys that i really needed someone to hold my hand. bingo! derek and i held hands for the last 20 minutes of the movie and he was impressibly smooth about it....good job, derek.

on saturday morning, my mom and my brother and i all headed out to the mall to meet my aunts for shopping and lunch. i have adorable cousins and it was just a fun morning/afternoon. my aunt deanna bought me a new pair of jeans as an early birthday present and i love them! i have an obsession with american eagle jeans...i don't know if its that they're really comfortable, they fit me well, or that i fit into their size 0....but they rock.

after the mall, we headed to will's lacrosse game. they lost (again) but will is an amazing lacrosse player. *sidenote* will has amazing abs, so he deems it necessary to go shirtless whenever possible....which is like 49% of the time. =)

after the game, dalan picked me up and we went to kaden's boxing match. dude. let me just get this out there...boxers are kinda hot. seriously. they're super buff and can take a hit like nobody's business. *sidenote* i thought that when we went (i had never been to a boxing match before) it would be this kind of shady, out of control, freaky thing, but it was actually very civil and organized. the boxers were really nice to each other afterwards; they hugged, shook hands, laughed together...it was competitive of course, but it wasn't at all as hostile as i thought it was going to be. =)
so kaden won his fight and it was SO INTENSE! he boxed out of blue (they box out of blue or red corners of the ring) and i haven't felt that anxious in a while! i really like kaden as a friend and watching all the fights leading up to his was sort of nerve-wracking...it was a really close match. none of us really thought he had won but when the called out "Blue corner!" i just jumped up and started screaming!! ah!! it was a really good feeling....i can't imagine how kaden felt!

after that i had an awesome sleepover with my bestie. =) i love spending time with her. we stayed up all night talking and watching made for tv movies. in the morning i had jelly beans for breakfast and we just hung out around the house.

all-in-all, last weekend was amazing!
can't wait for this weekend!!
=)