Courage

"Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying, "I'll try again tomorrow". I have found this to be very true. There were nights in my life when I thought I was literally going to burst at the seams. I would stay awake for hours and hours hating myself and beating myself up. Physically. Literally. I felt like I was overflowing with sadness and would have done anything to make it stop. I can't explain the thoughts that consumed me those nights. It was torture. I felt like such a coward because I couldn't do anything to make it stop. I was a coward because I couldn't take my own life.

After recovering from my severe depression and being clean for over a year, I can say that those nights of cowardice were so much more than that. It was courage. I was not weak. The moments were weak, and I didn't know how to cope with them. But I was never weak. I was courageous and strong. And the fact that I am writing this today is proof of that.

Courage doesn't always look like courage. And it sure as hell doesn't always feel like courage. Only looking back can I say that those were some of the strongest moments of my life.