fights.

sometimes i have to really fight to be happy. it's like an internal struggle between where i know i could be and what is currently going on in my life.

i don't even know why i'm in a bad mood. maybe i'm depressed. i know that there is a possiblity that it could be hereditary. quite often though, i feel extremely sad for no particular reason. like i'm not doing enough with my life. like i'm not living up to some standard that everyone else can live up to.

it used to be that these thoughts would dominate my life and i would obsess over the negative in my life. i just wanted to stop trying so hard. to sleep...forever. i am so glad that's not so anymore.

i have to fight myself to not take it out on the people around me. and more often than not, i lose that fight. sorry.

these internal struggles happen a lot in my life.

i used to struggle a lot with my weight. and more than that, with my image. i'm much better about it now, and much happier, but there are times when my brain slips back into the way it used to function, and it sort of goes on this crazy downward spiral about how i view my body. i can't really control when/where/why this happens, but it seems to coinside with the "depression" swings i have.

i don't know what this post has accomplished, other than help me procrastinate the philosophy paper i'm supposed to be writing, but....

this was an extremely personal post. luckily for me, only like 2 people read my blog. =)