hmmmmm.
so i didn't go to the gym today. i've been going every day since school started (nearly 4 weeks, minus a few days here and there) and never made it today. i've been feeling kind of down lately and just couldn't seem to pick up enough energy to get myself there. usually i can text my best friend and see if she's going. most of the time she is and the motivation of going WITH someone helps me make it to the gym. but that didn't really feel like an option today...
speaking of my best friend....she is currently "dating" her ex-boyfriend. "dating" meaning they hang out (a lot) and go on dates, and recently shared their "second-first-kiss". it's stupid. she told me a few weeks ago, when she and dalan (the ex) started texting and getting back together, that if she ever said she wanted to start dating him again, to smack her and tell her absolutely not.
well. now what?
i know that she likes to be with him. he's funny (sometimes), spontaneous, and has an awesome family (i absolutely adore his family). but i don't like it. it's not that i don't like HIM, he's a great guy, but i don't like them TOGETHER. he has really odd mood swings and gets angry really quickly. he also drives like a maniac (i am honestly scared for my life every time i'm in the car with him). he is really disrespectful to his parents and rude to his younger siblings. i really have no idea why megan is getting back together with him. the reason he is an ex is because she broke up with him. because he was too clingy and possesive! megan also gets really...indifferant around him. things that would usually bug her, she just laughs at. it's weird.
this is a "rant" blog, and i am so sorry. i don't usually like these kind of blogs, but i need to get it out. i would usually call up my best girlfriend and tell her all about it, but right now she is at dalan's house. with dalan. probably doing something cute. with dalan. so...yep.
i feel stupid for saying this, but i'm kind of jealous of dalan. that sounds so dumb and juvenile and i wish it wasn't true, but it's the only way to explain what the heck i'm feeling right now. for several months, it has just been me and megan. girl time, talking about boys and the various dates we go on, and how nice it would be to have a boyfriend or (back several weeks) a summer fling. we hung out every second that we could and told each other everything. now (today specifically), she spends tons of time with dalan. and i get it, i really do. i love spending time with guys who think i'm fantastic. but today, 5 minutes before lunch, megan texts me and says shes going somewhere with dalan. fine. i'll go eat on my own. then she texts me and tells me that they're back, so i go sit with them....and she and dalan flirt the whole time. i felt extremely third-wheel-ish and didn't really want to be there. she is my best friend and i've eaten lunch with her every day since junior year, but i find it really difficult to sit and watch while they tickle each other and laugh about private jokes and i have no idea what they're talking about and....oi.
then, this evening, kaden (dalan's younger brother who i am fantastic friends with) texted me and asked if i was coming over with megan. what?! um...no i guess not. i don't know why i felt so hurt, but having kaden (and dalan, i found out later) invite me over but NOT my best friend...i don't know. i can't explain it. it sort of felt like everyone wanted me there except for her.
this all sounds really dumb and hormone-y now that i go back and read it, but at least it's not all bottled up inside me anymore...
i love megan like a sister. she practically is one and i really want her to be happy. it's none of my business who she dates. i need to let it go and be happy for her... but if he breaks her heart or causes ANY drama. i will kick his ass.
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